Working Out and Other Things

I feel like when I had an eating disorder, working out was something I had to do incessantly. If I wasn't moving, I was piling on the pounds somehow. It was a chore though, I'd want to stop and something inside me told me I couldn't. If I did I was lazy and fat, and not working hard. It was non stop cardio, with endless variations of crunches for an hour or two everyday. In recent years my most common form of working out was cardio, with the tv on. While it was okay, I feel like I never was really giving it my all, or seeing any results whatsoever.

Then I met Jillian Michaels. Prior to her I'd never worked out with weights(all the usual excuses, I didn't want to get bulky, blah blah blah). I also found it hard to stick to a routine, my mind would wander, I'd take too many rest breaks, and generally wasn't feeling any changes. In a month of using her 30 Day Shred DVD I saw more changes than I'd ever seen in the hours of mindless cardio I'd done before. I can finally do a full push up(no girly ones!) when I'd never been able to do one before. Incorporating her workouts with a few Pilates workouts from Blogilates, and I'm seeing things happen I've NEVER seen before. Plus it's re-inspired me. Honestly I find going to the gym a little boring, I need variety and I prefer to work out without a ton of people around.

It's been fascinating to notice my body getting stronger and stronger each time I work out. An experiment, if you will. A huge part of recovery for me(and something I still feel the need to work on), is letting go of the desire to be built like a twig. While there is nothing wrong with being super skinny if that's the way your body naturally goes, the endless pursuit of that body type for myself just isn't sustainable, nor is it healthy. I've tried to focus on my workouts more about the way they make me feel, to see how strong I can make myself, and to challenge myself to try things I thought I'd never be able to do. It feels so much more constructive to see how strong I can make myself, instead of just trying to get back to a size 00.